You made me cry and you don't even care
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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