i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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