My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Is Oprah even human
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
