I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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