everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
