A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Randomize
