He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
