I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
