worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
