The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
