Pappa wants mamma naked
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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