I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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