After last night, I could never be a politician.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
