i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
