A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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