He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
