White coat. Heels.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
