If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
