Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
