If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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