i love accidental penises.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize