I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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