Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
