Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
