I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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