i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
