Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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