4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
