You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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