Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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