11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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