Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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