It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
