saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
