i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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