If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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