I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
