I feel like I'm in dance class right now
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
