Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
