in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
