overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
