I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
