First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
