I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
