i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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