I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
