Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
