I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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