All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
