I just made out with a guy for $7.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
