My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
