Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
