Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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