Swine flu. Run for my life!
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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