whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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